My Children Behave Thanks to Technology

If you’re expecting me to tout the benefits of iPads in the hands of 6 month olds, you might be reading the wrong blog.

You see, I’ve seen the YouTube video. You know the one. Friends sitting around a table full of cell phones with popcorn kernels at the center. The phones simultaneously start ringing and suddenly there’s popcorn flying around the room.

Ummm. Anyone else freaked out by that?

That video plays repeatedly in my head every single time I watch one of my kids reach for an electronic device. Fortunately for my kids, I do recognize that my thinking may be a bit hysterical and I do try hard to keep my crazy under control. I imagine that they will have enough of their own crazies to deal with throughout life – they don’t need to be burdened with mine as well. But still, it freaks me out.

My kids do have their fair share of electronics. They are enamored with that MineCraft game and that silly Englishman (?) who creates all of those YouTube videos about himself and his cat and a whole slew of other characters who run around in MineCraft world. That freaks me out too. But, again, I try to keep my crazy under control and I try to embrace the technology that seems to be an inevitable part of childhood these days. I do, however, maintain the upper hand when it comes to when and where and for how long they are allowed to be mesmerized by these handheld popcorn popping devices.

I should also disclose that I don’t have a tv in my car. (I can almost hear the collective gasp.) There have been moments when I curse myself for that decision, but overall, I love that the sound of Sponge Bob is noticeably absent on long drives. Some of our greatest conversations have happened on long car rides; I feel like I would have missed out on much of that if I allowed myself to be replaced by a small screen tv. Here’s a great example.

When my oldest daughter was about 4 or 5 years old, we were returning from a weekend visit with family. During our visit, she spent time with her older cousin who had just gotten her first iPod. My daughter got to test it out, placing those little ear buds in her own ears and dancing and singing as if we could all hear what she was listening to. She was delighted. When we left, I noticed that she was oddly quiet in the backseat of the car. I peaked at her through the rearview mirror several times and finally she shared the thoughts rattling around in her head.

“Mommy,” she began, “why is it called an eye-pod and not an ear-pod?”

How clever and adorable is that? I would have missed out on that if a television had hijacked her thoughts.

I seem to have gone astray here. I suppose you’re wondering why the heck I titled this My Children Behave Thanks to Technology and then proceeded to tell you how I dislike technology. Fair enough. Let me get to it.

I was talking to my youngest daughter this morning as she was getting ready for school. I wish I could remember how the conversation started or why she bought the subject up in the first place, but I can’t. The only thing I can remember is her saying, “Of course I behave at school. There are cameras there and they go directly to Dr. M’s computer.”

That was enough to make me stop what I was doing and take notice.

“What makes you say that?” I asked.

“It’s just the way it is. The principal always knows when we do something wrong because he sees it. There are cameras,” she replied. “Did you have cameras when you were alive?”

“I’m still alive dear,” was my dry response.

“Oh right. I mean in the olden days. Did you have cameras back then?”

I wasn’t sure if I should double over with laughter or start calling the school.

Now, like most school districts, ours is a bit dysfunctional but it most certainly does not have cameras with a direct line to Big Brother or – in this case – the principal! I’ve been laughing about this all day and I just can’t decide if I want to reveal the truth to my daughter. I’m leaning towards no.