I have this disease of sorts. The symptoms include knowing precisely what I want while never, ever, being able to find it. It’s painful.
Thanks to one very wonderful friend and my equally wonderful parents, I find myself childless this week. With few commitments outside of work, I decided that I would use this time to finish decorating all of the half-decorated rooms of my home.
It’s not going very well.
As was the case with my sixth grade “graduation” dress and my prom dress and my wedding dress, I visualize exactly what it is that I want weeks in advance. The image burns itself into my brain and, eventually, the vision cannot be altered. There’s one small problem with that: I create these beautiful things in my mind, but nobody else seems to be able to replicate them. So, my sixth grade graduation dress became my mother’s choice of practical multipurpose dress. My prom dress also became my mother’s dress of choice – I wanted the red one. And my wedding dress, well that was all my doing. I absolutely adored the beautiful little satin buttons that extended down the back of the gown and continued down the short train. The back of the dress was perfect. The front of the dress? It was meh.
This seems to be the cross that I’m meant to bear.
I have searched through dozens of stores in the last two days, searching for the perfect piece of furniture, the perfect wall decor, the perfect accent piece to complete just one room in my house. My efforts have been generally useless. It seems that even the right outlet covers have managed to elude me. Ho-hum. I think I’ll play lotto tonight so that I can torture some well-paid but unsuspecting interior designer with my seemingly insatiable whims.
I did manage to fill the back of my car with a few minor purchases. You can barely make out the desk that will go in my daughter’s room – I chose the unfinished one, of course. I know exactly how it’s going to look when it’s done. And in the foreground you can see the two new side tables that will sit in our TV room. Of course, now I need a lamp to sit on those tables. The base should be a sea blue, but I don’t want one with a seagull or starfish on it – no sea motif. I just want the right color of sea blue. Is that too much to ask?
What am I happy about today? Well, I am happy to be a woman who knows exactly what she wants – even if I don’t know exactly where to find it.